LESSON 6: the faith sacrifice of Wood

A quick, easy, direct and to the point Lesson of Wood about the validity of the Bible and what we can learn from Ed Wood's example.

Ed Wood represents mankind in it's most pure form. He is what we should all aspire to be, our ultimate hero. He was beautiful, wise, sensitive, outspoken, bold, daring, and above all, Ed was a happy man. He was constantly bursting with optomism, which isn't to say that Ed Wood didn't cry or bleed or know the pain of a broken heart. He was a man and knew all of these things, but he was also happy above all things with who he was inside his own ontos.

Ed Wood was proud of who he was and what he believed in and he sacrificed everything he had, he sacrificed his entire life to give us his messages and his messages were his films, which are pure, unadulterated trips into the mind and soul and ontos of Eddie Wood!

This is why we Woodites choose to worship a savior such as Ed Wood rather than more mainstream saviors, such as Jesus Chrust. First off, when compared to Ed Wood's films, there is no hard, substantial scientifically proven evidence that either Moses or Jesus Christ ever existed on this earth. The only records of Moses' existance are the second hand stories written about him in the Bible. The same goes for Jesus, ever since the DNA testing on the Shroud of Turin proved without a doubt that it was a fake. There is no concrete proof that Jesus was a real man who walked on the earth, nor is there any concrete, without a shadow of a doubt evidence that Jesus, if he did indeed exist at all, performed ANY of the miracles he is supposed to have done.

Where is the movie that Jesus Christ directed? Oh yeah! He didn't direct one. Ed Wood did. Right.

This leads us to another topic: what is the Bible? I mean, really, what is it and what does it stand for and should it become and should we allow it to be the ultimate rulemaker and owner of our ontos?

Some say that the Bible is the word of God and that is why people believe in everything it says. There are hundreds of millions of people in this world who hate homosexuals and come at them with violence and hatred, only because ROMANS 1:26-27 has a few passages about how homosexuals are evil and will not enter Heaven, but I say to those people who support this claim, YOU CANNOT TAKE THE BIBLE TOO SERIOUSLY!

According to MARK 10:9, divorce is a wicked sin. That means that most everyone who grew up a child in the 1980s in America has parents that are going to Hell.

According to I PETER 2:13-14, speeding is a wicked sin that will cast you down into Hell, which means that everyone in the earth, save perhaps the Amish, will be burning as well.

According to I CORINTHIANS 9:27, it is a wicked sin to overeat, so every person who sweats to the oldies will be sweating with Hitler when the doomsday comes.

According to PROVERBS 23:7, watching movies will send you to Hell.

Some religious zealots out there will read the passages above, disbelieve me, grab a copy of the Bible they have on-hand, look up the passages above, and e-mail the church saying that the passages above have been taken out of context. They have been. I have done what Catholicism and Christianity have been doing for centuries - I randomly took a passage from the Bible and I used said passage to further my own beliefs. So if those passages that were used above were taken out of context, how then can you say that ANY Bible passase is the true word of God? What I'm saying is, don't say that the passages I used above are taken out of context and then turn around and tell me that the Bible says that gays are going to hell, because that is out of context, too.

This is it, plain and simple, right here ...

The Bible contains many numerous passages that fit the TIME AND PLACE WHEN IT WAS WRITTEN, BUT HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO F-ING BASIS WHATSOEVER ON OUR LIVES RIGHT HERE AND NOW. A lot of people think that, but we Woodites are the only one that seem to be out there with the testicular fortitude to say it.

How many times in the Old Testament does it mention something about if you steal a neighbor's oxen, you must pay him twicefold for his tything? As a self-made Bible scholar, Catholic school graduate, former religious counsellor, and religious student, I can tell you, that's in there a lot!

In my opinion, the Bible is a really good story. It's an interesting read. It's gets repeditive and choppy in the middle and the ending is just way the hell out there, but it's got a compelling (if not altogether original) plotline and it's a rather compelling read. I would have to say that it ranks right up there with Bradley Denton's "Lunatics" and "Survivor" by Chuck Palahniuk. But I wouldn't go so far as to use it for my entire basis for right and wrong because the rules and guidelines that were laid down in it were written for that period of time in that land and went out of date years ago and anyone who thinks otherwise is just sucking their thumb because they're afraid of the big, bad future monster hiding under their bed.

How can you take the denouncement of homosexuals seriously in a Bible that was written by the Romans who added in anti-Jewish sentiments into the New Testament to add to the anti-sematism that eventually led Adolph Hitler to kill millions of Jews? I tell you this ... each and every Bible example I have written above is true. If you doubt their validity, then you MUST THEREFORE DOUBT THE VALIDITY OF THE WHOLE BIBLE!

At least there is PROOF of Ed Wood's existance, and that proof is his films which are HIS Bible! We worship Ed Wood in much the same way that people pray to Virgin Mary for strength or to a saint to help them find their car keys. It is possible, if this is your wish, HOWEVER, this is not mandatory, to incorporate The Church of the Heavenly Wood into whatever other religion of which you are already a member. It is possible to be a Jewish Woodite or a Catholic Woodite. As long as you are comfortable with that, then we at the Church will allow that. If you are not comfortable with being a full-fledged member of our religion, then we will permit the mixing of religions to serve your betterment.

This is why Ed Wood is a savior of the people ...

Ed Wood grew up with one dream and that was to tell the world his messages of peace and love and arrogance and destructon through films. He was to set on telling the world his messages through his films that he risked his life, his friends, all his money and everything he had just to make his films. He died homeless, without any money, very little friends, and no material posessions whatsoever. He risked everything he had and lost it all, but he did not lose, for he succeeded in making the movies he so desperately wanted to make and that made up for everything that he lost. He risked everything he had and lost everything he had just to tell us his messages.

Ed Wood died for his dreams.

In today's modern society, with everyone buying the newest shoes and the fastest cars and the most expensive cellular phones and the biggest beepers, the idea of a man willing to put his life on the line to tell the world what he believes in seems like a far fetched idea, but that is what Ed Wood did for us all.

Ed Wood sacrificed everything for his beliefs! He suffered for his message and died so that the people of the world could hear his message. Ed Wood, throughout his suffering, remained happy about who he was and what he did. Ed Wood represents the pure spirit of mankind. That is why he is our savior. That is why we are here.

Like Eddie, we must all strive for what we believe in. We must have faith in Eddie and be willing to put everything on the line to preach what we believe in. Ed Wood sacraficed his all for what he believed in and, like him, we must all be willing to make a faith sacrifice for what WE believe in.

Click here to return to the Lessons of Wood